Here is a little story that is meant to inspire people to think, and to be more creative when searching for solutions to life's little challenges. The main point, however, is to motivate readers who don't like the idea of eating bugs to setup an indoor garden, right away.
Definitions: 1) Service-to-Others (STO): awaken/a15.htm; John 15:12;orientat/o01.htm; awaken/a04.htm, 2) Urantia Book (UB) references are [paper]:[section]- not Urantia Foundation's [page]:[sentence] format; 3) Service-to-Self (STS):rules/r04.htm; call/c24.htm; Isaiah 14:12-15, UB 53:9, 4) Toymaker: makes toys, 5) Orientation University (OU): Toymaker's imaginary cosmic university.
Please copy and paste <ctrl-c and ctrl-v> the base url included below, along with partial links, into your web browser's address bar for all web-based references. Enjoy!
::: Mooooooooo! :::
Long ago and far away, on a beautiful planet called Barth, there lived these jolly ol' cows! For the past few years, in Southern Milkvania, the sentient cows have experienced rather unusual weather! El Nino storms, drought, monster cyclones, summer in winter; winter in summer! The once happy cows that live there are very perplexed! Such unusual crop shortages for a country accustomed to excellent farming weather (poleshft/p84.htm). Anyway, one upstanding cow, Moo Moo, who owns a large farm just a few miles South of the fun city of Cowtown, decided to try indoor, hydroponics gardening this year! Here's his story:
::: Moo Moo & Son :::
Did you get the football helmets last night, dad? Sorry, Bovy, the PTA decided to give the money to the high school's indoor gardening class(transfor/t80.htm). That's stupid, dad! All that praying to Holy Cow! You can't even get mushrooms to grow indoors! I know .. sorry, son. Maybe it's the lighting. Brown Cow, the jerk that tried to burn my indoor garden down, said I was the worst PTA president the high school ever had - right in front of all the teachers! Dad! Everybody in Cowtown knows by now that Brown Cow paid off the judge at his trial!
::: Sargent Rex :::
Editor's Note: King Manny, a STO 4th density preying mantid, from the cutesy li'l insect planet Uniramia (worlds/w47.htm), lost his beautiful queen Amadalu almost 42 years ago. Former Uniramia Queen Amadalu is currently incarnated on the planet Barth as Moo Moo! Amadalu was female on Uniramia, but to complete her next important STO spiritual lessons, the birthing envoys (beinghum/b20.htm) caused her to be incarnated as a male on Barth (beinghum/b35.htm; Hey, Bubba -are you married to your Great Great uncle Al?)! -End of note.
King Manny! Yes Counselor? Your nemesis from Dinosauria replied - again. Yes Counselor - ol' Sargent ratchet jaws (rules/r04.htm) thinks that Amadalu, er, Moo Moo, has to help Rex catch Brown Cow for the STS Soul Harvest! Print me a copy, Counselor. Here, wise King:
- - - -
Since my bone-chillin' roar on the mountain top proved that your sillyass, scare-a-day would *never* have chased enough insects down off Insect Mountain, I'm not coming back - you wimpass excuse fer a king! YOU OWE ME, mantid!
What does that IDIOT tyrannosaurus mean, wise King? Counselor, he heard that I told my chief cook, Orthos, that Sargent Rex didn't know Jack s#*t about our World hunger solution! Orientation University (OU) let Sargent Rex fly over to Insect Mountain for a secret visit! Rex's roar in the early morning, which I was unaware of, AND mantids' scaring the insects a second time in the afternoon, finally dislodged the food supply on top of Insect Mountain. Remember last Wednesday? INSECT TSUNAMI? - how could anyone in Mantopolis EVER forget? Tons of yummy insects came running down the mountain! So you see, Counselor, all we have to arrange is to do the same thing every time we have a hunger problem: scare the insects, twice-a-day! Oops - a call from Barth! It's Moo Moo!
Editors note: King Manny, one creative mantid, learned something about those sneaky STS entities. So King Manny devises a one-time, quid pro quo (payback arrangement) with Rex for helping Manny save so many of Uniramia's starving preying mantid population! Here's how:
Wise King Manny receives The Call (call/c00.htm) from his former queen Amadalu, who is now living on Barth as Moo Moo cow. Anyhooo, while ol' Moo Moo is asleep, Manny, operating in the 4th density, gives the twice-a-day secret to Moo Moo's subconscious mind. Moo Moo, completely unaware of the brewing, 3-way symbiosis, makes a plan to use the twice-a-day secret to let the hydroponics solution run into his indoor plants (food/tfood01.htm) an extra time in the afternoon! The extra solution flow should cause at least two major events: 1) Moo Moo should become a super hero with his huge hydroponics harvest, and, 2) the unexpected, second flow of solution down the canal by the outside of Moo Moo's indoor farm/garden also represents a devious opportunity for that diabolical, Sargent Rex ! -End of note.
::: Evil Ritual :::
Urus - put it out! But da Fire Ritual, Brown Cow! Think, cow paddy for brains! Moo Moo will see our campfire smoke from across the canal! PUT IT OUT,Urus! D'oh, so'wee, Master! Shhhhh! I almost saw Holy Cow appear! Let's continue: Oh Holy Cow - visit us! Please let me be the PTA president! And too, I am like, soooooo much better looking - and a MUCH better farmer than Moo Moo!
Ahhhhh - look Master, it's Holy Cow - on d'utter side udda canal! .. BROWN COW! Yes, oh Holy One? I am Rex, err, Holy Cow! I know, Holy One! (John 8:44;orientat/o41.htm) Brown: I want you to burn down Moo Moo's evil indoor hydroponics farm! NOW??? B-b-b but Master! What if just while I am crossing over to your side of the empty canal, the hydroponics solution starts flowing down from the f* reservoir? Brown Cow! Chill! Trust in your Holy Cow! You know that, uh .. Moo Moo already watered his indoor farm this morning! So, shut da hell up! And bring your fire sticks, Dodo, and cross the canal - NOW! Ok, Holy Cow! Sheeesh! Come on, apprentice! Here we come .. pray for us! .. HOLY COW ..AAHHHHHHHHHHH!
P.s. Rex's wicked lies cause the evil li'l cows to get caught in the hydroponics flow, so that Rex catches them! Anyhoooo, happy ol' Rex races back to Gole M. Nudnick with a full soul quota: He dumps his ol' last year's model Moon space saucer, and catches the very next cargo ship (worlds/w49.htm) to the Galactic Baby Warehouse! Next day, Moo Moo discovers Rex's large flying saucer on his farm! Moo Moo strips and inverts it, and uses it as a home & garden dome to protect his family and friends from Barth's severe weather changes in the next few years (http://www.zetatalk.com/poleshft/p28.htm)! Everybody's happy(UB 31:10)! Incidentally, fierce ol' Rex finally learns how to keep his nagging wife happy! He gives her what she always needed, twice-a-day!
To probe further: transfor/t85.htm; UB 68:5; govmt/g126.htm; and free online edutainment from xenoclastic (Johnny), Usenet, 1998-2002.
1) Service-to-Others (STO): awaken/a15.htm; orientat/o01.htm; John 15:12;awaken/a04.htm,
Please copy and paste the base url located below, together with partial links, into your web browser for all web-based references. Enjoy!
::: Paradise :::
Is the Meaning of Life now commonplace knowledge (UB 130:4)? And what path(STS/STO) would you mortals (UB 40:5) like to check out first on your awesome trek from Nebadon to Paradise - far left, moist middle, or to the right(worlds/w49.htm; density/d47.htm; density/d05.htm)? More specifically, is STS always about snarling greed, or STO always bleeding heart concern for others(orientat/o14.htm)? Do spiritually immature (brain-washed church folk, a few in government, etc.) confuse orientations and perceive them as identical?
Suddenly, out of nowhere, hovering slightly above the pier to the right, above the canoes, appear two identical angels, with beautiful faces and help-me-Jesus, Princess Laetitia-style, go-to-hell-just-fer-lookin', Dionysian bods - in long, snug'n sheer glowing gowns, with wings (and golden halos too, but nobody's looking at halos - UB 34:7; myths/m31.htm; UB 113:5)!
For the benefit of the brainwashed, make pretend the happy campers see instead, two, 4' tall, gray, cute li'l bug-eyed, garden variety Zetas - with halos for cryin' out loud (orientat/o16.htm)! Each wearing a stunning mélange of PVC & Lycra zippered bustiers & sizzlin', snap crotch-equipped, lucent, pink fishnet teddies! One entity is a STO ET (irresistible, smokin', li'l Ms those-who-mourn; hybrids/h26.htm); the other a depraved, STS Ambassador (DEMON; visitatn/v21.htm)! Both angels look identical (2 Corinthians 11:14-15;visitatn/v04.htm) - which is witch?!?
::: Orientation Story :::
To start our analysis, let's contrast orientations as we compare two affluent homeowners. The charming and diplomatic Albert Calcedonio, anti-pollution proponent (orientat/o14.htm), Mayor of Grafenberg (worlds/w54.htm), owner of Machie Avellian Beach Realty, and his cute 'n shapely (but a little dizzy), next door neighbor, Sophia Inocencia, a wealthy, hale, aerobics actress! Both live inthe exclusive, scenic, La Barra de Maldonado, near Bacchanalian beach in Southern Italy!
As an often distracted, disheveled homeowner, Sophia would love to have a nice looking, faithful handyman around to help out with the chores (orientat/o17.htm), but would rather have slick ol' Albert join her aerobics club first, so she can keep an eye on that sneaky ol' devil! And slippery ol' Albert has like, been keenly interested in Sophia too - ever since he accidentally, eh-hem, saw her kajula while star gazing one night through his ol' 400x127mm catadioptric astronomical roof top reflector (orientat/o13.htm), while sweet li'l ol' Sophia was just a sudzin' up her naked-as-a-jaybird centerfold bod in her li'l ol' backyard Jacuzzi one evening last year (2 Samuel 11:2-4; UB97:9)!
Anyway, they play tennis together once in a while, or go swimming together at Bacchanalian Beach Club, sipping glasses of French champagne while being waited on hand and foot by a legion of servants (orientat/o03.htm)! She has on more than one occasion had to slap the livin' you-know-what outa ol' Albert(call/c39.htm) for tryin' to paw all over her mostly naked, strapping li'l callipygian fortress!
One day in Sophia's aerobics club they start chillin' with the club's Fitness Director about some potential geographical changes and the resultin' affect it may have on Albert's beach front stud, err, community service! So Albert, sweet-n-sexy Sophia, and several others, over time join their good old, take-anybody-in, Troubled Times (thub.htm; UB 31:10) support group (orientat/o20.htm)! What will they do - so differently orientated!
Albert soon notices that potential geographical changes (although a rather closely held secret by the club's fitness Director JJ Jagger for many a moon) are now not surprisingly posted as a fricking joke all over the Grafenberg fitness club's website! Albert, brilliant at buying low and selling high, had His Worst Nightmare - he slept by himself that night! To add to the shock, the very next morning - as it must have been a sign from Sargent Rex, er, heaven -the well-known TV evangelist and holy Reverend Austral O. Pithecines from Lemmin Cathedral, reminds Albert (myths/m41.htm) that he has not paid his tithes in two months - ol' Albert shits a brick!
So Albert (to be on the safe side) drops a wad of stock savings on some ludicrous, high-tech timeshare at MARS Casino and Hotel (way UP north; govmt/g81.htm)! Then he begins plotting a way to dump his beach front property for something safer, long before some stupid a*hole beach magazine, newspaper, or ever-so-fun-lovin' Director of Sophia's aerobic's club, JJ Jagger, goes on local TV and announces the whole damn stormy weather thing to everybody in friggin' Bacchanalian beach! (JJ's the creative dude who always arranges the annual, "Who Throws The Funniest, More Imaginative And Expensive Party Of The Season Competition")!
Sophia, in touch with her higher spiritual densities (Matthew 21:21-22;worlds/w23.htm), at first has a bad dream about not being able to dump her beachfront condos! Poor li'l angel - she even forgot to mail her crazy Aunt Susie's Birthday card - damn! However, the following week, great news! Sophia soon learns that STOs that want to help others after the stormy weather can be protected and supported (transfor/t99.htm; transfor/t10.htm; UB 43;1 John 4:18)!
Then one day Sophia meets Mr. Homer Palatini, a well-heeled guest of one ofthe other members at the corner Troubled Times support group! Mr. Palatini, a former oil tycoon turned free energy freak, had some millions in spare change from a little card game on the beach. Homer was interested in buying a quaint little beach condo while he was visiting his chums, in part at least because he hears of Sophia's generous 20% discount!
Good ol' Mr. Palatini is one of those truly optimistic folks! He adds Sophia's potential generous 20% condo discount to the possibility that ol' d17's conditions (he keeps a readin' about), may eventually be met (density/d17.htm)! In which case the worst that may happen is just a hurricane - possibly blowing just a few trees over in his front yard! And at best, his future beach property line may even extend out further as the poles freeze a little more water away from the present shore line - over time.
Anyway, after a little reading, Homer thinks about what must have happened in ancient times (Jonah 3:6-10; http://www.zetatalk.com/poleshft/p123.htm ; orientat/o39.htm), sees a good challenge (transfor/t99.htm), and soon becomes a man on a real estate mission!
::: Bait and Switch? :::
Later, while Sophia is out shopping for pussy cat food, good ol' Homer Palatini cruises his li'l ol' Monte Fino by, lookin' at all the purrrrty condos! He sees Sophia's For Sale sign and takes action! Now rich ol' Albert has all important megabuck property inquiries sent straight to the Mayor's office! Sneaky Albert sees the ol' red light from his secretary's emergency office semaphore flashing! He quickly slithers out of the top-secret, er, public real estate convention currently goin' on in the Mayor's back office, picks up the call and tells Homer that he thinks Sophia's house is sold, but if hapless Homer acts quickly he can have a smokin' deal (visitatn/v04.htm; UB 3:5) on the gorgeous property right next door - Albert's!
Homer, however, is persistent about Sophia's property, so slick ol' Albert digs down just a weeee bit deeper and dredges up the ol' time-tested, magical, "Albert has to move closer to his poor, sweet, ailing grandmother in the States" gig (call/c10.htm)! Homer, eyes waterin' an' suckin' up to Albert's ol' Good Samaritan bs, starts to get a li'l too jittery - seein' the fires of hell, fire, and brimstone (orientat/o24.htm; UB 140:5) - gets swindled into paying even more than Albert's original asking price! Albert, hearin' ol' Homer's voice a breakin' up, is just barely able to keep from fallin' off his chair, rollin' on the back office floor laughing his you-know-what off (orientat/o02.htm) before he slams the phone back on the hook! Nevertheless, they sign papers the same afternoon in the Mayor's back office - a miracle! Oh, and Albert forgets to mention anything about the ol' stormy weather (tsk, tsk,tsk) ..
- The End.
Check the (web-based conjecture) class notes? Hmmm. One last li'l tidbit: Homer, secretly a callipygian fan and _close_ admirer of his new STO neighbor, soon falls head over heels in love with Sophia's end up living happily ever after (density/d11.htm; transfor/t17.htm)! And dear, sweet, and truly loving Albert gets a ranch with his new friends too, way down South! And he too lives ever after (transfor/t07.htm; transfor/t39.htm) - with people just like himself (rules/r39.htm)!
To probe further: Rev 3:10; rules/r27.htm; govmt/g22.htm; John 8:51; UB139:4; UB 31:3; density/d00.htm; govmt/g126.htm; "Sargent Rex", "Kooterville","Austral O. Pithecines", etc., from free online edutainment by xenoclastic (Johnny), Usenet, 1998-2002.
P: Council? Why so abject my lord? C: Have you noticed, Pseth? P:There? Yes of course Council - the Traveling One - it is that time again? C: The empathy ofthe few causes much grief (worlds/w65.htm). They desire orbital changes - andoptions! P: Hmmm. Over there...their feelings for the little ones are very strong! It is most distressing. I will leave you to your weltschmertz, my lord.
C: No, not yet. Behold! The Creator's original wise and massive connectionhas made this lasting impact. Notice here, and there! Although few in number,their combined voting weight is greater than last cycle. P: ...but Earthlings -they hold the other key! Do Earthlings know of the Nexus? C: A small number. However, the courageous carry many votes - they can make a difference. But it may not be enough to stop the pole shift. P: Events will unfold as planned. C: Maybe not, Pseth. Behold, the Council's Original Plans. Notice carefully here, and there! P: We've connected both parameters to let the bright morning star (Rev.22:16) be seen! Council, look! Here...these new possibilities ..interesting! When will we know? C: It is still up to them - completely (worlds/w04.htm, myths/m57.htm, Matthew 22:37-39, density/d17.htm).
::: Long Ago and Far Away :::
Definitions: 1) Urantia Book (UB) references are [paper]:[section] - not Urantia Foundation's [page]:[sentence] format; 2) Service-to-Others (STO):orientat/o01.htm; UB 180:1; awaken/a15.htm; John 15:12, 3) "those-who-mourn": STO genetic engineers; awaken/a02.htm; Psalms103:20, 4) Service-to-Self (STS): rules/r04.htm, 5) STS ETs: call/c24.htm; UB53:1; Isaiah 14:12-15, 6) Stormy Weather: Rev. 6:12-14; 7) Meaning of Life: Matthew 22:37-39; UB 130:4; (for 3rd density:) transfor/t25.htm, 8) Toymaker: makes toys, 9) Orientation University (OU): Toymaker's Cosmic University, 10) CCA: Cosmic Competitive Advantage; OU TQ401's Mission Statement; UB 55:12, 11) Council: Council of Worlds; rules/r03.htm, 12) Hybrid: hybrids/h00.htm -hybrids/h45.htm.
Please copy and paste the base url, located below, along with partial links into your web browser's address bar for all web-based references. Enjoy!
::: Commander B'Elannu :::
As warrior maggots, flies, parasites, and stink bugs, you know Lynx's mission is to sneak insect survival secrets to Bugville (density/d17.htm; Jonah 3:6-10;CCA), prior to the arrival of the killer asteroid from Horse Butte (thub.htm)! While we steer from on top of her shoulders, Lynx will race us from Squalicomb to Bug Lodge. Royal Authority (Matthew 28:18) destroyed all rebel bases in Bugingham (Isaiah 14:12-15) in preparation for the annual Sea-to-Ski race (hybrids/h01.htm; Job 40:3-5). It's mop up time (UB 31:3), bugs!
Lynx's disguise will fool racing locals into thinking she's a cute lil' collie. Won't the exterminator lady notice Lynx's wet suit dog costume by hidin' behin' da Outfall Bouy in Bugingham harbor, B'Elannu? Mayeeee Ieee finish, Ambassador Poopr? So'ry, Commander! Lodge-based caterpillars (hybrids/h10.htm ; hybrids/h09.htm) report that rebels have not taken notice! Ambassador Poopr will go over our weapons system shortly (UB 91:8)!
::: Captain 6 of 9 and Poopr :::
That's yo I'm playin' footsies wit, aint it, Capt'n? Shhhh, my antennae is vibrating! Ambassador, you're speech to the Lynx crew is next! I'll be rightback! Adjustin' yo antennae, maggot? Poopr, I've heard your B.S. Capt'n, ya know, if dat lil' ladybug DEMON wasn't medically altered ta look juz like a tiger beetle .. Forget it! B'Elannu is a ladybug, you oversexed maggot! Hey - yo maggot too Capt'n! See ya when I get back, Party Poopr ..
Eh-hem! Thank yo Commander. As we float o' Lynx's back past da markers, Outfall Buoy, an' up ta Squalicomb Harbor, Lynx's sharp howl will make o'enemies crap! Den we eat anythin' widin 100 feet .. << RED ALERT - RED ALERT >>
Commander, whaah? Captain 6 of 9, caterpillar scouts are signaling (hybrids/h33.htm; hybrids/h37.htm) we're approaching the exterminator! Tactical? She be fryin' o' ass wit hot coffee, Capt'n! Ow-ouch!
Poopr: FART! Wait, Capt'n, religious robber fly attack! Da crew is takin' damage from soul piercin' leg spines! So? Capt'n! It causin' mind-squishin' religious fear! B'Elannu? True, Captain! And mind-tingling, religious TV Hag Moths are selling rapture tickets (transfor/t55.htm)!
Toooo close, Poopr! Damn bobcat! What happened, Commander? Captain - a caterpillar (hybrids/h04.htm) would have shown 'em pictures of Mt. Baker -first..
Grrrr .. Bad hair day, tiger beetle (hybrids/h14.htm)! Maggots kick caterpillar butt any day! My apologies, 69. It's "Captain," stink bug! Maggots RULE! Sorry, Princess Pair A. Site. Run off and adjust your antennae ..Your vibrations are making our ears ring! Wouldn't you just *love* to, sicklejaws! Sleazy, disgusting, stinky cabbage bug (hybrids/h06.htm; hybrids/h09.htm)! L-A-D-I-E-S! Po-lease..
Sorry, Poopr. Come 'ere. Closer. While you were screwing with your joystick, everybody's ears were ringing on Lynx's rear - from YOUR antennae - all the way over from Lynx's neck! B'Elannu's blaming me! Sorry 6 o' 9, yo bin leanin' wayo' da Command chair! Hmmm .. "President and Intern" Poopr? On o' Lynx? Take a co' shower, Capt'n - I have ta sen' new pics of da asteroid from Horse Butte ta Roy'l Autho'ity!
Listen up, 6 o' 9 .. dat beetle's got a 'tude. Pssst! She bin chillin' wit woolie bear in her bathtub (hybrids/h20.htm; hybrids/h26.htm)! Stay 'way, Capt'n- for yo own safety! Lynx, follow the mountain bikes North West - to Hovender Park. Captain? Commander? Lynx sees something, Sir! I'm sensing danger from ..<<< KA-BOOOOM! >>>
B'Elannu! Report! Mayflies - everywhere! Did we take damage, caterpillar? Sir! I'm a beetle! Treacherous equal opportunity mayflies with poisonous promises, sir (UB 53:6)! Poopr! BITE 'EM! No 'fect, Capt'n! Stingers! No 'fect! Captain? Yes, B'Elannu? Something's approaching fast! Telephone, Captain!
::: Surprise :::
<< KA-BLOOOOM >>
Crew bein' sucked int' dead-end career', Capt'n!! Poopr - have Lynx break up that flyin' shit! <BEEP .. BEEP> Captain 6 of 9, Puff Tiddy here! Mayflies are attacking in the shape of an upside down "Y", with the enemy commander flying between company management and attend the college of your choice bull crap! Tiddy - H-E-L-P!
::: Save Von Frugelfox! :::
Tactical? Capt'n, da Vo' Frugel Fo' took a hee' - she be limpin'! Tiddy, the Lynx can't get through the bs! Stand down! It's not what you think! Do NOT enter Tiddy! 6 of 9, I'm commin' in, so long as it "has decent" bs .. TIDDY!! DON'T BE A PHUCKING IDIOT!!
6 of 9? Yes, B'Elannu? A double attack! There's Martian Ambush Bugs in the single bike track ahead - bombarding us with eternal salvation crap (UB 54:3;orientat/o24.htm; UB 99:6)! Tiddy - Listen up! You'll get hit by racing bikers in less than a second! Pudding thick bs flying up the Von Frugelfox's wazoo -s#&t's flying more than 60 miles per hour! Captain!?! Puff Tiddy has no wayout - he's turned about. Oh no! He's loading combat dung beetles with anti-cultspray! - firing!
<< KA-BOOOOOM! >>
A DIRECT HIT!!
Way-to-go, Tiddy! Why, thanks 6 of 9 .. I'm flying aboard!
Capt'n. Wait! Poopr? 6 o' 9, po-lease do NOT lit dat obnoxious pervert fly..<BZZZZ-ZZZZZZ> Hi Captain! High Commander Puff Tiddy! How did you do it, Doctor? When the mayflies set off the Equal Opportunity bombs, we fired yellowjacket concussion missiles. Mayfly automated defense spit mosquito torpedoes (hybrids/h38.htm)!
Just then ..
::: English, B'Elannu? :::
Once attacking Frugelfox got clear enough to see that the enemy commander was *not* a female, the High Commander instantly turned completely around, creating an unusual whirlwind of mud and blinding gravel! The mayflies could not see the Frugelfox because of the Son behind Puff's retreat! The resulting cyclone destroyed the enemy commander! And the whirligig pop-rap destroyed the enemy bandits!
Capt'n. May I have a wo'd wit yo? Poopr? It was a f* accident! That crap-eatin', forked fungus, overflowin' beetle toilet can't flush hit way out of a ..
Farty baby - whoa did you get FAT (hybrids/h06.htm; hybrids/h14.htm)! <Yawn> My ol' Royal Academy classmate, with curly hot pink hair! Gimme ahug .. Captain Fart E. Poopr! It's Ambassado' Party Poopr, barf breath. Wha' da moroon! Needin' sumwhar' ta garden, Dicky (hybrids/h21.htm)?
Ignore him, Doc ..
Tiddy, adjust my antennae? Sorry, Captain - got to get back to Von Fugelfox quick - another time. Captain! What, Commander? Von Frugelfox's paw caught athorn - it's howling!
Pu-leeze Doc, I'm vibrating - everyone's bitchin' at me! What does it take! If I only had my caterpillar Med (hybrids/h12.htm).. Eh-hem, Poopr, it seems a Med Fly's job is never done! Ok, Captain - let's hurry. Great, doc! I'll be right back, B'Elannu. Poopr, steer Lynx!
CAPT'N .. Flys suck crap! N'gez wha? Commando' B'Elannu really a Service-ta-Otha', kiss-ass, doze-who-mo', wit secrit ord'r from da Council! B'Elannu's pet wooliebear pooped in da Capt'n cha'r!
Snooping through the Captain's log, Poopr? Capt'n .. waid! Tiddy's bin chillin' wit pa'asites (hybrids/h14.htm)! He's *not* a med fly! Po-leese..C-A-P-T'-N ..
Good to see you, doctor. Same, 6 of 9. Open that puparium and be a REAL fly, 6 of 9? (hybrids/h16.htm)?? <BEEP .. BEEP> .. Wait, Puff .. <BEEP ..BEEP>.. stupid .. <BEEP .. BEEP> .. telephone .. CLICK! Whew! What's that, Puff? New Med kit.
Why, Princess! Do maggot's antennae vibrate, or what? That's *your* antennae, silly - look! Ooooops! Uh, well, wait till you see what I won from an octopus in Bugingham Saturday! Holy dobsonflies (http://www.zetatalk.com/worlds/w15.htm) Doc!? It's a Pan-galactic, Bi-O-Matic, Octo-Romance Translator, Princess! No more tweezers .. Dickie?
Don't quit your day job, Captain ..
<< RED ALERT - RED ALERT >>
Your fox is, gone .. Sir!
::: To be continued :::
To probe further: L. Merrell, "Seven Painful Ways to ForgetWinter," Mountain Sports & Living, Spring 1999, pp.42-44; CCA Mission Statement: Design and build System X, that eventuates experiential Method Y, that continually increases the enjoyment and satisfaction of existential love, raising and redefining the height of God's ultimate satisfaction, Z; UB 3:5; UB31:3; http://www.zetatalk.com/transfor/t84.htm
::: There Can Be Miracles :::
Cut it out, Skipper - your art sucks - an' go get bigger crayons, ya snot-nosed brat! Mommy! Bully Butterfly's eating my art! Bully, give Skipper room! He has an important part in the Children's Exhibit at the Bug Party! This is my territory, Ms. Swallowtail, and it's my dinner time too. It's always*your* dinner time. Eat your own art, Bully Butterfly!
Butterflies! Anthem rehearsal kiddies! Bully, you're first! Only if you letme do MY opening song for the party! Alana Butterfly says she's singing the Bug Party opening song! I'll decide - later! Bully? BULLY BUTTERFLY! Ok, Ms. Swallowtail, "Seek Father's provision daily." Good. Alana? "Seek His provision expectantly!" Excellent! Skipper? "Seek His provision actively, taking responsibility to gather it in." Very good, Skipper -everyone! Princess Jennifer will be so proud of us!
::: Antonio's Escape :::
Thanks for givin' me a shoulder to cry on, Pseth. Que pasa, Antonio? Norefunds? Eh, $49 weekend special. Say, where're ya headin'? ..Lodge. What?!? Bug Lodge? Depressed, Antonio? Gimme a break, Pseth. I heard from ol' Fernandez you were juz out there last eon, schmozzin' up widda Princess!
Rich bitch! Don't remind me.. Gimme your jury summons! Antonio - you weren't called!! What do you mean, Pseth? Our computer's Galactic Unique IDs didn't have enough digits to span multiple densities last eon! You're summon's ID doesn't have the right CORB prefix! Ya mean .. I'm excused, Pseth? You wish! Look -amigo, we're hurtin' - it's Satan's High Commander Gole M. Nudnick's session against those-who-mourn - again! Nobody even wants to hear the case (rules/r21.htm). Even the judge took a two-week vacation!
Tell you what, Anty .. make it back in time for the opening statements, an' I'll let ya borrow the Praying Mantis' Magical Time Travel Machine - which just happens to be in storage. Ya mean that refurbished one being stored for "Y3K" on the fourth floor, Pseth? Hey - dude, it's a smokin' box! Juz brought it back last century for a little joy ride an' my girlfriend loves it -just DO NOT hit the big yellow "Abort" button in the middle of a transfer. Hey, I owe ya one, Pseth! Adios!
::: Love Is In The Air :::
<BZZZZZZZ-ZZZZZZZZ> Hey mister - hold my aphid for me? Well - ok. Uh, what's your name? Nichole. Aphid's? Frankie. Hmmm. Kinda cute, All green.. Oh yuck! She's wet! She always gets snow all over her when I bring her to the lodge. That doesn't bother me, Nichole - but hurry back. Thanks, mister..
Hi! Nice aphid you have there - an' she's so cute. Yours? Uh, no. Just holding it for a lil' ant that went in the ski shop. Say, nice aerobics there! And uh, smokin' outfit too! Haven't I seen you before - like in my dream? I'm Jennifer, and you? Antonio .. Can I pet your cutie lil' aphid? Sure. 'Er name's Frankie. Bring her up the step? No thanks, Antonio. I'll just bend over and pether from here. ..Errr, gulp, nice orange blossoms out here. Frankie's sooo cute, Antonio. C'mon over for a hot chocolate? S'my table - right there.. Oh. I noticed, Jennifer.. I'm uh, glad I thought of it first!! Be there in a min..Nichole!?!
Antonio! Come 'ere. Closer. Remember me? Uh, no.. Back in High! Uh, wasn't that like, a long time ago? About yourself, Jennifer - parents live around here? Dad lives up North a wee bit, Anty. You can sit closer, silly, I don't nibble too much..
::: Editor's Note :::
Well, over time, Jennifer gets to know Antonio well, and ol' Anty is in*love*! But ol' Anty-boy don't have a c-l-u-e folks! So pleasure lovin' and givin' ol' Jennifer starts a diggin' down real deep and dredges up her old boyfriend's line about the facts of life to ol' bug-lovin' Ant, who doesn't know Jack Shit 'bout Butterflies since he was just an occasional caterpillar and aphid watcher himself. Then, like an inspiration outa Heaven, impatient Jennifer gently leans so far over that her award-winning, galactic orange blossoms nearly knock google-eyed, red-faced Anty onto the 8th Ski ramp! She tenderly explains to ecstatic Anty how happy lil' butterflies manage mating and reproduction. This magical process causes colorful, unique, salsa art in specially prepared areas! Gently holding Antonio's tarsus, she explains that salsa art, like snowflakes, is never exactly alike, and gives Anty a lil' hug! Enlightened, CATATONIC Antonio clearly sees that each nip, er, hatchling has to be faaahr apart and begins a blowin' chili pepper outa every port, sayin' the sinner's prayer - in tongues - with Hail Mary toppings (UB 34:7)! Princess Jennifer explains that mating couples try to lay their artistic eggs in mountains built from fresh, noisome asteroid! So romantic lil' Jennifer bends down and away from Antonio so that what's left of ol' Antonio is juzza now starin' clear off to fresh fruit carts in downtown Alcapulco, five levels below Bug Lodge! Jennifer innocently calls her sweet lil' butterfly friends (flying around under the table next tohers) over to her table for cheese and nachos - End of Editor's note.
::: Salsa Art :::
Antonio ever coming back, Princess Jennifer? Said he's going to take a cold shower a yarn ago, Alana! ..Antonio, meet Alana. Caramba! A talking butterfly! Alana, what is salsa art? Good question, Antonio! We biologically program insects such that they dance around in mating rituals, endlessly creating colorful, artsy-looking, egg-based art from their hatchlings for the Horse ButteBug Party. The bugs just go nuts! The longest running black and white act usedto be the Hill Art Festival, held at the lodge. The connoisseurs complained however, that once in position, the lil' stink bugs never shared their mating facilities. But Princess Jennifer was honest with us! She said their creativity and quality - sucked! For that reason, ugly art, and no color! The whole mountain suffered horribly!
::: Bug Party! :::
Alana - why? Anty, remember the pre-paid ticket Pseth gave you to Horse ButteWilderness Tour? Eh? The Bug Party is always held on the ski lift platform just below the lodge's (ol' Trail Rider) Wilderness Tour ski lift platform. Smart bugs hangin' around here know that the tour horse does more than just jump through the magical Flamin' Blue Ring (story, part 3)! Our barn-crazy rental horse, Sneezer, knows another very important trick! She, uh, you know! Cleans the mature salsa art palettes, every 3,657 minutes (poleshft/p05.htm;myths/m04.htm) whenever she sees her food! Really, Alana? How does that happen, I still don't get it!
::: The Rescue :::
Que tonto! Palette cleaning starts just as soon as the tour platform reaches the top of the butte. An asteroid then falls from Wilderness Tour's ski lift platform (onto the Bug Party platform below) when excited Sneezer sees her food, sneezes, and jumps off the ski lift to get her oats! Hmmm .. Is that what causesthe sudden end to most of Bug Party's salsa art, below? Uh .. Antonio, many lovin' butterflies will fly over and tenderly rescue stinky lil' bug babies that are ready and willing to leave, to a safer ski lift platform! Oh yea - the Monarch tells the butterflies which insects to round up (transfor/t55.htm, Joel2:32; poleshft/p32.htm)!
::: Dad's Place :::
::: Back on Lynx :::
<BIZZZZZZ-ZZZUUUUFFFF> Antonio! You're late! Sorry B'Elannu, got sidetracked. Can they hear us? No, it's their siesta! Great! Here're new secret orders. And that? Sorry B'Elannu. Jennifer's dad told me to give this to you -some presents? Thanks, Antonio. Incidentally, did you change your mind about staying for the presentation? Damn - I forgot my foil hat! You guys are good at that mind reading shit - nope. I'm in love, B'Elannu - gotta jet! <BIZZZZZZ..livelong and..prosper..ZZZUUUUFFFF> ..
That's TREASON, B'Elannu! *Think*, 6 of 9 - and I'll explain. Oooops! <Shhhh!> Something's approaching - fast! Telephone, Captain!
::: Fernandez? :::
On speakerphone, Commander! Greetings, 6 of 9! This is Commander Fernandez of the Amazon Mouse! Permission to come aboard? Press the mute button, quick! THE.. Commander Fernandez? From retirement? Advanced degrees in physics, time and space, magikology, Windmill, sexology, and rocket scientist too, Poopr? Standard issue (..yawn), house fly, Capt'n - <BZZZZ-ZZZZZZ> ..
Hi Captain! Commander! Sorry to barge in ..Dick! Captain of the Good ol' Ship Lollypop now, eh? Hi Commander ..sorry about ..damn! I hate when that happens! Fernandez? Yes, Captain? Commander B'Elannu would like a word with you, thenwe'd be honored if you would join us in Lynx's rear lounge for refreshments! Reasonable? After you, Captain ..
What's that mother, Fernandez? Oh that? Juzza lil' S-type stuffed toy I picked up, Doctor. PUFF! Listen up! Your new sealed orders, new codes, everything - the keys, Tiddy - and that ain't no bull! Holy Shit, Fernandez! -where ya' goin'? What's life without a few mysteries, Puff? Thanks for the crap, Captain, Commander, High Commander. And thanks, Troy - now *that* was a [-cut-] Peequila Sunrise! Tomorrow night, dear - 06:00? An' shed Riker. <BIZZZZZZ..Gottafly..ZZZUUUUFFFF>
<< RED ALERT - RED ALERT >> Poopr? Capt'n 6 o' 9, lone range scanna pickin' up dem homo-hatin' Earwig Coalition - firin' population-groomin' medical insecticide (call/c03.htm), er, miracles - off stern! Thirty seconds to genocide (UB 49:5)! Lynx, Everson! Tiddy, nice work .. Doctor..
::: To be continued :::
To probe further: Butterfly Anthem: George Mooth; Psalms 104:27-28; L.Merrell, "Seven Painful Ways to Forget Winter," Mountain Sports & Living, Spring 1999, pp. 42-44; Urantia Book 15:1-7; density/d17.htm; Jonah3:6-10; Proverbs 3:5-6; Matthew 22:37-39; http://www.zetatalk.com/transfor/t25.htm
::: Cosmic Trophy :::
"J", Alana - hop off at Bug Lodge. <ZZZZZZTHUNK> Is the Monarch gonna hug me again tonight, mommy? Don't know.. He squeezes me too hard!- I'm juz little! Great rehearsal, butterflies! Be back an hour early for the show! Ok, Princess! .. <ZZZZZZTHUNK> Out! Home at last .. Jennifer, look.. your friend's back! ..
::: Back On Lynx :::
Hard to port! He ol' ready onbode, Capt'n! << KA-BLOOOOM >> I didn't say transport, stupid idiot! Lynx, turn left - QUICK .. << KA-BLOOOM>> Poopr! Fire hornets! Offline, Capt'n! Bite 'em! Damn encrusted wolliebear poop all ova da firin' button - cain't bite 'em! STINGERS, Poopr!
::: BIRTH CONTROL :::
Captain? Yes, B'Elannu? "The homo-hatin' Earwig Coalition is a usin' population-grooming, so-called medicines (call/c03.htm) and PCB insecticides (science/s10.htm)!! No known defenses! Poopr - try birth control! Wha??? USE it, Poopr! << KA-BAH-LOOOOM >> Coalition destroyed, Capt'n!
::: E. Lohim :::
Race to Shuksan, Lynx! << SWOOOOSSSSSHHHH >> Director E. Lohim!? Bumpy ride, Captain! Sorry, E - you flew right into bigotry, hypocrisy, deceit, and lies (Urantia Book 53)! Phone call from Puff, Captain! Speakerphone,B'Elannu. Captain - long-range sensors (worlds/w23.htm; UB 6:4) show our insects suffocating - everywhere! << KA-BLOOOOM >> Dragonflies tryin' to strangle Lynx with municipal mass transit fly paper (transfor/t84.htm)! Captain! What, B'Elannu? Let Puff handle 'em! Lynx, turn right, quick! << KA-BLOOOOM>> Lynx is suffocating! PUFF!
Dragonflies - I GOT THE POWER - Resistance is Futile! << KA-BLOOOOM>> Captain, Puff's jag destroyed every one of the dragonflies' 666 traps! Holy $#%t! Damn dragonflies' are firing dragon-claw willow, helping hand grocery store club memberships! << KA-BLOOOOM >> Woolie bear poop flyin' everywhere! (poleshft/p84.htm) What do you recommend, B'Elannu? Setup indoor hydroponics gardening, High Commander (food/tfood01.htm)! Look! Parasite-asskickin' Tiddy is planting non-hybrid seed with an automatic, twice-a-day watering system (transfor/t84.htm) - Oh NO! Puff's powered up jag's hydro blaster - Firing!<< KA-BLOOOM >> Captain! Dragonflies destroyed!
::: Government Openness :::
Admiral, meet Horse Butte Wilderness Tour Director, E. Lohim. Greetings, Director! Thank you Salma. How's ol' Bugville? Honestly? F$@%#d! However, as part of Bugville's new initiative to promote government openness, the United Nations is answering an insect's question in moderated alt.bug.visitors.government newsgroup that the Amazon Mouse is really Director E.Lohim's jaguar. Secretly under the temporary command of High Commander Puff Tiddy, is visible now, just to the right of you. Director Lohim would like to stay onboard the Lynx and have a word with Commander B'Elannu ..
<< BZZZZZZZ-ZZZZZZZ! >>
High Commander! Captain 6 of 9, welcome aboard the jaguar! Why are we meeting here, Puff Tiddy? B'Elannu's Top Secret orders from the Monarch has already agreed that our insect representatives should study the Bug Lodge ski lift platforms. How does this activity relate to Lynx's original mission - insect protection from Horse Butte asteroids? (See story, part 1-2) ..
::: Jaguar Golf ::: A1 B2 C3 D4 [E5] F6 ..
Butte Level "E." <ZZZZZZTHUNK> Welcome 6 of 9, gentlebugs, toAdmiral Salma Leet's all new, dusk till dawn, All Star Jaguar Golf School! RoyceButte to the West, Beach Ball #8 ahead, and Peter Point #16, East. Impressive, Admiral, where're da holes? Hit buttes, Poopr! .. Ouch! Captain, you and wiseas$ tee off first? Ok ..
::: Tonight? :::
Hmmm.. Woolie bears in your bathtub .. no hair on my chest? Bingo! THAT'S IT- isn't it! Why do you think I asked the Monarch to shave my fur off? E? Yes, sweetheart? Come 'ere. Closer, E. We've been love bugs for a long time - almost forever! I know - so what's your point, B'Elannu? Every time we're together onthe same ski lift platform .. you are always thinking about sex - I'm sooo embarrassed! How about my brilliance, my artwork, my pretty bug eyes - have you even noticed my new, cosmetic, sickle jaw? Sorry, B'Elannuie dear, but we havn't had sex in minutes! No - make that hours! E, look, take that artificial fur doormat off your thorax before I roll off Lynx onto the snow laughing!!! Oooops -Gotta jet, < hug, hug >!
::: Puff's Golf Lesson :::
Damn - broke another custom golf club! Jaguar golf is nothing like the *real*8. Pebble Beach, Leet? And Peter Point can't touch ol' 16! Cypress Point? Dick!You're swinging like a stinky ol' maggot! Watch me! There's a steady, rhythmic flow to every good golf swing - see, doctor? It begins with the turning of your thorax to begin with a smooth, slow takeaway. Not my ovipositor Tiddy! There's also a flow on the transition from backswing to downswing, a backward-to-forward movement in which the arms and the body are momentarily moving in different directions .. oh, what's the use, High Commander ..
If I make this putt Captain, I go 3 up and dormie! Tiddy must have lost! Someone did a victory dance on the brown! Look at those big spikes in my line -excessive damage; COMPUTER - Ruling! ..
<BIZZZZZZ-ZZZUUUUFFFF> How was Royce Butte West, Captain? Too many poopr's! Playin' Puff next time, E. Don't quit your day job, 6 of 9! Guests, two more little issues: First, All Star Jaguar Golf School would like to formally extend permanent professorships to Admiral Salma Leet and Ambassador Poopr! Our school needs your experience to keep our Bugingham Sea-to-Ski teams happy! Secondly, in an effort to show the United Nations the highest meaning of Horse Butte, the Bug lodge Aeronautics and Space Administration (BASA) is offering FREE ski lift platform passes to the Ultra Top Secret, Ascension Show on Sneezer's tour platform tonight ..
::: Ascension Show :::
How did BASA ski lift platform designers do it, Captain - this Wilderness Tour platform movie is magnificent! And half the insects left already!?! It's probably warmer on the lower platform! Sneezer on this platform, and the Flaming Blue Ring (on the Butte outside) seem to dance together if they are lovers! Grace and elegance of perfect flow and balance! Man, the Bug Party platform is filthy, why are insects moving down there? Don't those idiots know that's where the noisome horse butte asteroid hits every 3657 minutes (poleshft/p05.htm;myths/m04.htm), Captain?
Guess what, Poopr? Director E. Lohim designed the ski lift platform movies onall mountain buttes this side of Bugingham! Did you like that adorable Butterfly Anthem, Poopr? Eh? - fer da ants! I thought Alana Butterfly was gonna sing, 6 o'9. Hey, look! Puff Tiddy's down on da ol' stinkin' Bug Party platform belo', Capt'n! CAPT'N??? Bitch! ..
Holy Goose Bumps! Director Lohim - Admiral Leet - Pseth - giant Bug Lodge rescue team wo'kas - Butterflies - all o Bugingham is down heah! How'd d'ay dodat? And whay did dis ash stuff all o' da platfo'm come fro'? - volcano o'somethin'? SHUT UP, Poopr!!! Alana's getting ready to sing the Grand Finale! I*love* dat song, 6 o' 9 - an dat cute lil' Butt'fly is prettier dan da ol' Princess, if yo askin' me! Gimme some tissues, Capt'n!
"..now you will, you will when you believe (Matthew 21:22; UB 50:7)! You will when you believe! Just believe .." (Matthew 18:19) ..
Oh, and that heavenly singing .. Notice anything, Poopr? Tears - on yo face, Capt'n? Whoah! - look who jezza cruised on in! The Mighty Monarch! Hey! - What's he tryin' ta paint up dare?!? We may never understand, Poopr (Isaiah 55:9)! Hmmm.. He's waiting for YOU, Poopr! Pu-lease .. do this for me! ..
Look - up there on the Tour platform! Sneezer's running toward the Flamin'Blue Ring! Ol' asteroid butt'll miss her dinner! Why, Capt'n? Sneezer jumped offthe tour platform one level before the top, right through the center of theflower! It's MAGNIFICENT - it's .. totally .. AWESOME! Our platform is moving up through the flower petals too! Captain! Look! Down there! Sneezer jumped back in- on the ski lift platform below ours! What an Ascension Show!
Who cleaned everythin'?!? ..
..and this goes to you, Captain! Thank you Princess! A brand new antennae?Like, I am totally embarrassed! Look, gang, I was JUST ACTING - Council knows this! Can't accept this! Open it Captain! .. It's empty! The Monarch knew.B'Elannu, open yours! .. Look E! Pet woolie bear! He's soooo cute! .. I'll hold that B'Elanie. Tiddy, I know your laughing because of the shape of your present- but it's a NEW one, and Council sees that you are going to wear out the old! HEY! Where's Brother Fernandez? Here Doc, give this to him ..
..Yea. It doesn't go to the top floor.
::: The Beginning .. :::
Note: You may enjoy Bug Party, Part 3 more if you have heard this next magnificent song: W. Houston, M. Carey, "When You Believe," Dreamworks, Arista, and Columbia Records. A work of art ..
To probe further: David Leadbetter, "Leadbetter's Images", Golf Digest, April 1999, pp. 57; UB 111:6; http://www.zetatalk.com/transfor/t84.htm;transfor/t85.htm; density/d17.htm; Jonah 3:6-10; Proverbs 3:5-6; Matthew 22:37-39; transfor/t25.htm; food/tfood022.htm; Stewart Kenyon, "Hydroponics for the Home Gardner", Key-Porter Books Limited, 1992; Raymond Bridwell,"Hydroponics Gardening", Woodbridge Press Publishing Company, 1998; John Farrand, Jr., Natural Science Editor, "Insects and Spiders - National Audubon Society Pocket Guide", Alfred A. Knopf, Inc., 1998; Christopher Leahy, "Perterson First Guide to Insects of North America", Houghton Mifflin Company, 1987; "Compton's Interactive Encyclopedia", The Learning Company Properties Inc., 1998; "Bug Party", originally published "Bug Party," based upon "Cosmic Golf"; and free online stories by xenoclastic (Johnny), Usenet, 1998-2002.