1) Service-to-Others (STO): awaken/a15.htm; orientat/o01.htm; John 15:12; awaken/a04.htm; 2) Service-to-Self (STS): rules/r04.htm; 3) Urantia Book (UB) references are [paper]:[section] - not Urantia Foundation's [page]:[sentence] format; 4) Toymaker: makes toys. 5) OU: Orientation University - Toymaker's imaginary cosmic university, 6) TQ: Total Quality, etc. 7) CCA: Cosmic Competitive Advantage: Cosmic TQ program(s). 8) All awaken/a16.htm STS characters (Lucifer, Caligastia, etc.) story details fantasized from the Urantia Book (UB) 53:1.
Please copy and paste the base URL, located below, along with partial links, into your browser's address bar for all web-based references. Enjoy!
Editor's note: At the end of "Vortex," Nudnick, Bully, Rex, & Agent Bollix (CCA's STS Horizontal Team) were out of control and out of fuel, docked near the high density Prosenona-Mesene border at Port Indigo. High Commander Gole M. Nudnick and Barbie Que (Caligastia's former flame) were on their merry way to CephaLand in crab-Rhom when their mothership, Zykor, encountered Caligastia's Epsilon Eridani space mine. If Schade hadn't secretly arranged to have the explosive switched with a vortex mine, the Zykor would have been destroyed! Zykor had to expend all it's antimater just to get to safety at :gi, Nether Port Indigo. Captain Bully Willet, a bird-like life form from Hill Art Festival is about to discover that Prosenona space travel has a parallel in long range, make-pretend SGC navigation in Mesene and Rhom (science/s15.htm; UB 7:1). Sargent Rex is nervously tapping on Zykor's tactical controls, awaiting orders from his nefarious Captain. End of note.
Are you nervous Rex, er just having target practice on Authority MOTHERSHIPS!
This spacemuffin's gonna warp us OUTA here! Bollix' tractor beam's frequency is in sync-lock with Prosenona nav frequencies, Captain!
What the 'ell you talkin' 'bout, Rex?
<THUNK - CHIK - CHIKKA, THUNK - CHIK- CHIKKA ..>
Oh my GAWD! More a Caligastia's waltz BS? We're out a ANTIMATTER, Rex (worlds/w10.htm)! Port Authority will flame your ass, fruitcake!
We're moving, birdbrain! The General's "Minuet String Quartet in No. 3 in :g" packet, pulse sync-locked on trace gravitation commin' from (UB 133:5) ..
Port Authority drones are triangulatin' (rules/r16.htm) on your sequence! GUARDS! Sargent Rex to the BRIG! Cancel NOW, R1 - before I blow your bolts out a starboard torpedo tube! CHIRP!!
HOLY SHIT! Damage control!
Bully, don't fire! Look - we're outa range! Nav's Z-warp dance is really sector :ao's SGC, pullin' the Zykor directly toward Port ..
Tactical - cloak ON, NOW! REX - get back 'ere! Bollix - where the f* is the stolen Port Orange transponder!
<THUNK - CHIK - CHIKKA, THUNK - CHIK- CHIKKA ..>
::: Exposition Hall :::
And a special "thank you" to Ambassador Kwid - for CephaLand UN Expo sponsorship!
<applause - cheering...>
The intrepid sea folks gathered here today have much to learn by our involvement in their Ascension, as we do you - by your unselfishness and tremendous camaraderie (UB 3:5)! At this time we'd like to take a few questions! Barracuda on the second reef?
So, why weren't Emperor Artho's octopus warned, Ambassador?
They were, Sphyra, but not to the extent that Fishmaker plans for this event! We don't know all the details, but we do know Fishmaker has already achieved very good test results (UB 54:6)! Since we're a good spiritual schoolhouse (density/d25.htm), higher results from the ELO wars, and exponential ROI with the Port Cullis thermals should result.
Yes, Ms. Kwid?
How does war between Schade N. Freude and General Calagastia help?
Although disputes could erupt into a serious situation, they've become mostly smoke and mirrors (transfor/t100.htm)! Cold wars were used to allow plenty of time to garner support from CaphaLand's fearless, spiritually astute (thub.htm; UB 31:3; John 3:16)! Many of CephaLand's elite learned that wars become culturally bankrupt - incapable of producing real benefit (UB 70:2; awaken/a101.htm)!
Universal knowledge of the Horse Butte Asteroid became the household joke as it were, and gave Bugmaker a much higher yield of creativity with his larva! Should Fishmaker expect less? Supreme knowledge (UB 117:6) of Port Cullis thermals starkly contrasted with pleasures of Cullis Whorehouse were designed by Fishmaker and his students in part, for the purposes of teaching God consciousness (UB 5:5) to the multitudes who were spiritually challenged in CephaLand (transfor/t104.htm)!
Editor's note: Port Orange is sponsoring Laetitia, Newton, E. Lohim, and Spoof's Island Team Spring Dance this evening. The Paracelsus (Schade's), Hamilton (Laetitia's), Washington (Pseth's), and Griffin galaxy-class motherships were scheduled for the prestigious and creative (transfor/t05.htm), Z-game dance contest near CCA Academy's training facility. Their space-time Prosenona maneuvers are to Mesene travelers, majestic and beautiful - almost beyond comprehension. End of note.
Our turn! Shall we, Princess?
You're all feet, Pseth!
You're a poet too? Hey, your steps improved! Moonlightin', babe?
Here at the Academy, Pseth. Shhhhh. Step closer. Zykor was shadow dancing across Prosenona - unattended! You know what Toymaker said ..
The Zykor was here looking for Caligastia, and left already, Princess!
A little suspicious about his sudden invitation to the Spring Dance (Rev 6:12-14), but still thinks Zykor's shadow dancing was his idea somehow ..
Newton's temporal displacements?
You don't give yourself credit, babe! Sheeeeesh! The Ambassador let the Zykor re-stock at :go with Schade's phony Orange credentials! There's more! E's not the only one who wants the paradox (transfor/t54.htm)! Guess who just changed the music?
E, Toymaker changed the dance?
Hmmmm. Lived much under the sea, Princess Laetitia (density/d25.htm)?
On the shore near Playa!
Then you've never been properly introduced to a lobster?
For lunch, silly! Why, there's nothing like eating lobster when you're feeling a wee bit horny!
Wouldn't sex all night with Pseth be better (UB 34:7)?
Ambassador Lohim - I never said eating lobster is better - I said there was nothing like it!
Got it! So you've no idea how to do a lobster pop-rap?
No, E! But crazy, hip-hoppin' Newton (UB 44:5) here learned dancing from Puff Tiddy - Newton?
Absoooolutely, Princess! Islanders, contestants: Mothership formation - E will shout the steps! Ambassador?
All Captains: attention! Two Groups (rules/r45.htm) - dinosaurs, mantids (worlds/w47.htm), hominids, and so on, and after Newton clears the octopus (density/d47.htm) out of the way ..
That takes time, Ambassador (science/s02.htm)!
NEWTON - tell 'em to twirl around twice (orientat/o03.htm)!
Each with a partner? How many whirligig, pop-raping lobsters do we have, Lohim (UB 16:9)?
NEWTON - just have 'em fling the lobsters as far out to sea as possible (transfor/t09.htm)!
Sure, E! Then we'll swim out after them (UB 11:8)!
Excuse me Newton, but Princess - like to see a sample?
Ambassador, I would be delighted to see the dance, but go in after them?
Laetitia, then shall we have the current spin them around and pop 'em straight up, like this (UB 29)?
(LOL) Yes, yes! Your dance will do nicely, Ambassador! And up to :cr? Interesting ..
Exactly, Princess! And the Zykor down Port Rose - and SE across Mesene!
I can explain!
Then ah say BLOW me, not blow me UP - STUPID!!!
Bully's a new captain! Sheeeeesh!
He got wings - but that bird shore caint fly! Look, Bozo, I'm HO'NY - an' I be TIRED a this shit! Now you be tryin' to cheat ma ass! Lemme git this straight. Me an' ma sista do that incarnate thang (transfor/t11.htm), an' do the octopus - an' all fer juz ten pacent? Bwaaahahahaha! (LOL) NO WAY, assho'!
Sweetheart, Bully gotta package Port agreements to crab:bo (Port Cullis) NOW! .. Ok - last offer: 20 percent and you be Grand Queen! Besides, Cullis whorehouse is the only way you and Suzie can ever divert enough a CephaLand away from Bio-Matics! Sign it - send it, damn it (worlds/w49.htm)!
Yo momma! Underground therma's a blo' da ho place sky-high if we git too many octopus in Cullis! How da 'ell ya tink Empero' Artho killed 'em o?
You're KIDDING! 33 percent! S'my FINAL OFFER, bitch - sheeeit!
Suzy will never go to Cullis! If Shade ever find out, he blast her fadass 'cross Mesene, dickhead!
It's the only way to get a PBOT!
I'll talk her into it! .. <Click>
Oh my GAWD - what was THAT bloody thing (rules/r39.htm)?
To Schade anyway, this shit's home sweet home, Agent Kered! And suspended over there's a live holo of STS Starbase 69! See?
..that Schade stole from General Caligastia, professor!
Who wants that greasy nightmare! We're leaving port - don't leave any trash or personal belongings! Any last questions?
What a sickass bedroom, Pseth! Poisonous stingers and puffers, swords, octopus heads on the cavern wall .. yuck! What an ass!
Question - on the nightstand by the lanternfish - good ol' Schade a breast freak, Pseth?
Mr. Plover - it's just Schade's holoprojection of Boobstar - planet Nymph's binary sun (science/s41.htm)!
Call me Snowy, Professor!
Alana Willet (UB 44:2), question?
On the fireplace, Pseth; look! Fragmentation grenades? What the hell were they ever used for? CephaLand's Uranopods are just now receiving emancipation from the bondage of religious brain washing, class! Pseth, wasn't Cephastant and Molic religious fear, and use of Schade's T-22 mind fragmentation grenades a terrible price to pay for CephaLand spiritual growth?
Students! Who knows the answer to Snowy Plover's (UB 44:1) question? Alana?
Isn't that the technique Fishmaker uses to encourage CephaLand's spiritual Neanderthals to learn a form of ethics (UB 86:6-7)?
Not bad, Alana! Somebody's doing her homework! Kids, bring your TQ420 Fishmaker notes! Density switch (density/d00.htm)!
Let's go! 3, 2, 1, <BIZZZZZZ-ZZZUUUUFFFF>
::: Meanwhile, back in Griffin's smelly, smoky war room :::
That pervert be sta'in' right at me! He hate me usin' his sekrit com channa!
[..STATIC..] Oh ma gawd! I got the dumbis' sista this side a Boobstar! That sonofabitch's com numba be in every ho' house this side a Nymph (govmt/g22.htm)! [..STATIC..]
Barbie! Tell momma we be a commin' home on da next Nymph shuttle! Gotta go!
[..STATIC..] An' don't lose ma 'tomic dildo dis time! [..STATIC..]
GRRR-AAARGH! SUZIE! Get da phuck off ma secret COM channel an' git your raunchy FADASS OVER HERE - NOW, BITCH!
Horny 'gin? Tribble poop in yur chair? Holocam broke? GEN!! You be spyin' on Cantina Las Anguilas!!
SHUTUP! Zeta's Elite Eel Bar spy cam's fine - stupid whore! Hear that shit? .. Gawd, I hate Freude! - AAAAARGH!!
Caligastia, that freak ( http://www.zetatalk.com/worlds/w15.htm ) be STS Chief Electricus - an' Schade N. Freude! Speak a da Devil .. what he be givin' da Prima'y (UB 53:1), head?
Freude ain't no frickin' Primary, IDIOT! That ass-kissin' ray just told that gawd-ugly lobster that whenever port "whorehouse" sustains too many customers, West CephaLand heats up - explodes!
That be a LIE, Gen!
Look, FOOL! Electricus be one stupid ass, but found an SLC101 intercept in Zykor's central core! The c-mail's encrypted tri-space header said Nudnick's already countin' on the sudden panic as an extra diversion to help 'em run off with the PBOT adjacent to the Pan-galactic lab (crab:cb)! ARGH!
Schade & Nudnick crawled into bed wit each otha?
GRRR-RRR!! When did Eridani invent vortex crap - they DIDN'T!
Well, ma sistah said Epsilo's space mi' had a Po' Orange Dance time origi'ation sig! I never got me much edumacation, gen - but ain't that impossibo'?
YEAH! Uh, DAMN IT! He's up to somethin'! An I'm a gonna blast 'em BOTH - to LOBSTERDUST! GRRR-AAAAARRGH!
To be continued ..
To probe further: theword/tword15e.htm; UB 53:7; food/tfood03a.htm; UB 52:6; science/s79.htm; "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland," Lewis Carroll; Chapter 10; info/tinfo26s.htm; UB 44:8; SLC101: OU College of STS, Stealing, Lying, and Cheating class; transfor/t62.htm; Horse Butte Asteroid and Bugmaker: "OU's Bug Garden"; R1 (Agent Bollix, a.k.a. Ewefo D. Bunkr, and Agent Kered, a.k.a. High Commander Hole Flaffer) an STS android and a STO cyborg (R2) in "Cosmic Golf"; transfor/t99.htm; UB 59:4; transfor/t09.htm; UB 58:4; govmt/g126.htm and free online edutainment from xenoclastic (Johnny), Usenet, 1998-2002.
Once upon a time there lived an inquisitive young lad who liked to read - books, comics - about anything! The strange stories so warmed his young heart! His older brothers and sisters eventually nicknamed him Reader, since he was often found reading a good book!
But alas, when he came to the end of his last story, he was really glad! Frankly, the young lad was a wee bit tired of being a reader of books - he just wanted wandering Narrative to end! So many confusing stories!
"Put the books down - peace at last" he told himself! The End was near, and it was glorious!
Then as if on queue, suave, charming, and debonair Chapter dashed upon the scene - with a bunch of Paperbacks from the New York Times bestseller list!
Wise Chapter tried to convince Reader to become a Doer Of Things!
"NO," shouted Reader!
"Then just turn one more page!" encouraged Chapter! Reader shouted out to his trusted steed, "Enough!" - and told anxious Chapter to take a long hike off a short pier, then galloped off!
Although whatever Chapter and the Paperbacks did as Reader's first life was nearing The End is not clear, things were astir in Readerville that first, mystical night long ago! W-w-what then?
::: Surprise! :::
Master Story Teller, sipping a piping hot latte, came fortuitously along the rocky mountain trail and spotted Reader's wispy remains at The End. As Reader was losing consciousness, he almost glanced up, "What's that! .."
Shortly, however, .. ZZZZ-ZZZ-ZZZ .. he was dead asleep!
Bending over Reader's scattering remains on that cold, dark, windy night at The End, the Master Story Teller suddenly whispered, "I want to please you!"
Anyhow, from skimpy details we have - it seems Reader smelled the strong brew and heard a heart warming and mellifluous Voice in the distance calling out to him!
Then he noticed Story Teller's kind eyes! Reader, a tidbit confused at that quixotic reawakening, assumed that he himself had said to Story Teller, "I want to please you!"
Slowly regaining consciousness, Reader - with enormous fortitude, turned back from the now not-so-glorious End, and noticed a tear in Master Story Teller's eyes!
Well, Reader's made some new friends since that strange and windy day a long, long time ago! And now, quite a few years later, is not too much concerned with the content of Story Teller's tales - he loves all his Chapters! And where did all those great Paperbacks go?
One last note: Kids, even if Master Story Teller were to tell a completely different story, or an endless series of stories - Reader would just love them, enjoy them, and cherish them anew!
To probe further: http://www.zetatalk.com/awaken/a16.htm
1) Service-to-Others (STO): awaken/a15.htm; orientat/o01.htm; John 15:12; awaken/a04.htm; 2) Service-to-Self (STS): rules/r04.htm; 3) Urantia Book (UB) references are [paper]:[section] - not Urantia Foundation's [page]:[sentence] format; 4) Toymaker: makes toys. 5) OU: Orientation University - Toymaker's imaginary cosmic university, 6) TQ: Total Quality, etc. 7) CCA: Cosmic Competitive Advantage: Cosmic TQ program(s).
Please copy and paste the base URL, located below, along
with partial links, into your browser's address bar for all web-based
::: Rendezvous :::
Editor's note: Although STS have never won an Island Team*
Spring Dance contest, the best ships keep receiving Newton's annual
invitations. Top ten winners each receive titles to a fleet of one hundred
Mesene- or Rhom-grade motherships, loaded with the newest technology and
weaponry! Amidst cheers and jeers from anxious contestants, the Port Orchestra
begins the Z-game prelude. Caligastia and Schade's sleek ships (Griffin and the
Paracelsus), with surprising grace begin their shadow maneuvers in sublime
matrix formation with the Hamilton and the Washington, respectively - a
difficult feat for warships even if it weren't in Orange's Z-game space! - End
HELM - Steady! Track with the Hamilton, nice and easy! We don't lose points if Schade can't attend correctly! Of course, whoever blows that fat bastard off at our first curve wins two weeks shore leave on Nymph! And for those with short memories in Tactical who were here at last year's event, Lt. Willie was trying to explain before Weapons Control was vaporized (rules/r39.htm) - forget phasers, target overrides <BEEP>, photons, random pot shots ..
Caligastia! Scrambled transmission - emergency band!
[..STATIC..] .. [..STATIC..]
Sargent REX - acknowledge!
[..STATIC..] I HATE slimy octopus, SIR! [..STATIC..]
SILENCE, ratchetjaws! Orders for your CephaLand incarnation are NO PANIC .. or Rex: lovely Dina's gonna get a hologram FULL <BEEP> in, in her .. PREPARE, Rex! <CLICK> GAWD - I HATE dinosaurs (worlds/w10.htm)! Grrr!
Holy MOTHERHSIPS! Schade back-phased that big black piece of shit, and the Hamilton vanished - it's GONE, sir!
Whaa? Princess Laetitia only joined Z-games to keep the Paracelsus (rules/r03.htm) ..
<[STATIC] .. Griffin! ..[STATIC]>
.. from blowing up the WHOLE FRIKKING PORT!
WHAA??? Cut coms! TRIANGULATE! BURY that lying, cheating, SONOFABITCH LOBSTER in our BACKWASH! Helm: FULL STOP!
SIR! We just scrambled docking codes, Z space folded and the Zykor materialized! Nudnick blew up at Epsilon Eridani (poleshft/p39.htm), didn't he?
His manifest sync-locked, dummies! Onscreen! <CLICK> Gole - Cargo bay C40! Beam up J12s, X7s, and DX-10 disruptors and refuel in Central :gr! Back out of matrix space, NOW <BEEP>! .. If I lose, High Commander - you're so through! Do you UNDERSTAND? Grrr-r-rr!
<[..STATIC..] Yes Sir! [..STATIC..]>
COMS CUT! Five's Z continuum isn't recording; we're running quantum-band diagnostics! It's out there Caligastia, but matrix space (UB 11:7) doesn't register - no ion signature!
Oh my GAWD! Step ONE: Re-phase arrays for time warps! Step TWO: Long-range Z-scans! Do I have to quote the whole PHUCKING Z Nav Best Practices? Find the HAMILTON you illiterate MORONS, GRAA-A-AAGH!!
::: Rose Travel Tours :::
My tank won't fall? My boss says we've never lost an eel on the bridge yet - your tank is secured, Sacc! The rose-colored starfish are magnificent, Captain! Yeah, except we call 'em stars! Even without proper T/IDs Port Rose can be one beautiful port, Ms. O'Phary (density/d25.htm)!
Anyway, my High Commander needs to know a couple things. How long were you working at Central's Acme Barge Stop? Two yarns, Bully! It's not a long story: my eelfriend and I were having great fun on our way to a wedding and a family reunion weekend vacation in Indigo when suddenly the Sea Star's Captain pulled into Central :gr's barge stop to refuel! I thought the Captain told us we all had fifTY cycles! So, I swam out for a few souvenirs for my daughter and a visit to the ladies tank to tidy up a bit while my eelfriend was still sleeping - I guess I wore him out!
But the Captain really said fifTEEN cycles! When the shuttle finished refueling, my eelfriend frantically swam through both mini-mall shopping tanks, but the Captain convinced him that I somehow got back into the wrong Indigo shuttle! So, my eelfriend and the idiot Sea Star's Captain warped off for Indigo with all my stuff - my Worst Nightmare! I still can't believe he left me stranded in the ladies tank! No protection, food or CephaLand credentials! No credits, no friends, and no transportation!
It may get rough in there once Port Authority analyses our synthetic Rose transponder! So, sit back, relax, and have a drink! We're passin' thru the fun weigh station: get Sacc a drink menu! Your synthahol would poison me! No thanks, Bully Willet, however I am hungry! Sure, not a problem: BOLLIX! Forget the drinks: order food for our pris .. er, guest - Chirp!
Sac O'Phary! Why did you lie about the debit reader; why were you obnoxious to my engineer, and how in the hell were you thinking we were en route to Octopodia?
I used to read my adopted son's schoolbooks to him, and I saw through the pod's security tank Grand Island's CCA emblem on your engine nacelle! It's the exact same emblem on a couple of his textbooks!
I hoped by running a standard scan on your old Orange credentials I could stall you long enough to see if Indigo Express was IndX-ing a barge to Rose's CCA System Y crab:Rhom! A one-in-a-million chance to hitch a free ride! And Captain - explain to your foul-mouth crewman that a triple-loaded barge is way too big for Central's self-service antimatter injector pods!
WILLET! Navy droids are blocking all safe passage lanes! Persistent, pitiful little robocops are DEMANDING we stop at once and transmit our proper credentials or be BOARDED <LOL>! Woops - Outpost's high-density (density/d00.htm) lane partitions just sucked starboard shielding down to 49.81 percent - one more scrape or bump across those little bastards and ..
TACTICAL: ATOMIZE those asinine appliances - J12 autoturbolasers, widespread pattern! Fry 'em ALL - CHIRP! <KUHZ-ZZZZZZ-ZZSH..>
Bully! Partitions, droids, tower doors, 3 tankers, cops, and six metro shuttles neutralized! Auth patrol tower firing Kuat M250 spread spectrum JX6 ion beams - HIT on starboard nacelle!
Shit!! Jettison hull debris and 5 units antimatter starboard side nacelle! HELM: Warp 8 - step on it! Fly the phuck outa 'ere - SE past horizon - chirp, CHIR-RRP!!
<THUNK!> Sorry, Ms. Sacc O-Phary, Zykor battle shielding automatically closed our private view port! Tough luck: how long were you at Central? Is my tank leaking, Bully Willet? ALL our tanks leak, EEL - what HAPPENED - how long were you stranded? How DID your son get BIO-MATIC Research lab codes? Has he tested them? Do they work - I NEED answers!
By some miracle Acme's station manager said I could work in antimatter-refueling pods to earn passage back to CephaLand (density/d47.htm). You know what open sector-to-Port tickets cost back to crab:Rhom!? I would have been work-stranded for 10 yarns if I hadn't noticed your Indigo insignia with the CCA emblem!
Do you want to see CephaLand again, SACC? <KAAH-BLAAAAAM!!!>
SIR: Direct phucking HIT - shit! Casualties coming in on ..
Seal off decks 27 thru 29! HELM: How far till Rhom space? Computing, Captain! TACTICAL: J12s - target outpost Four's central core - CHIRP!
OFFLINE, Captain! Disruptors?
CHARGE DX-10s .. CHIRP!
Sacc O'Phary: HOW DID GULPER GET THE SECRET CODES <FLAP FLAP FLAP!>?
A HIT on the CORE! Captain - OH MY GAWD - INCOMMING: PORT SIDE!
EVASIVE MANUVERS - CHIRP .. <BAAAAA-AAAAAHM!!>
Ouch! - My tank IS leaking! I can't swim to my kitchen now!
We HAVE tank stopper, bitc .. uh, babe! What happened - next!!!
Gulper and his school friends used to work as EelGuards for Bio-Matic Research! My son stumbled across secret access codes when his eel friends attacked Schade's lab when the Primary's Port Cullis hot springs began selling overpriced calamari to the Port Cullis Eelectric Diner just before my son became manager ..
OK, Sacc - I thought this was a short story! TACTICAL Cloke ON - NOW! SE to Mesene :ab / CephaLand! WARP 10!! CHIRP!
::: Ye Ol' Hotel Abalone :::
Aperture closed, Nudnick!
Confirm logistics Captain - exit crab:er and return to orbit .. !
Bolloid? .. Barbiepoid? .. Suziepoid? .. How's the weather, uh, water? Does the Abalone serve dinner; chirp (beinghum/b25.htm)?
[STATIC] We're all HERE birdbrain, and its Bolloid's turn at karaoke night! Oh, pure joy in the 'ol Octopus Bar (yawn)! Everybody loves his swim through the ceiling trick! So, toodles! We ALL know what we're supposed to do (hiccup)! [STATIC]
<CLICK> Bollix - Bolloid! Cut the crap, NOW! You're
Bio's new university biologist, Dr. Bollix! And if THAT BS doesn't get the
PBOT, O'Phary said her son Gulper also has :cb's access codes hidden somewhere
- secure his access crystal! READY? Synchronize .. at :er mark 0, now! Exit the
lounge, move NE by 09:00! No questions, NO EXCUSES! You're in charge Rex, uh,
Rexoid! - CHIRP! <CLICK>
High Commander: Aquattack mission complete! Ascending as instructed (whew)!
<BEEP!> Yes, Captain? Permission to dock! .. Chirp!
<eh-hem> If your last name begins with "W" then please, take a number and stand by! Shuttle storage wait time for the next compartment is running approximately fifteen cycles. If you have a computer, then you can also go to ..
HELL, Nudnick? Like, I have to go to the birdbath - again! Can we play this game later, hominoid? .. SIR - we would have stolen the PBOT and been half way back to OU by now if you had not submersed the ship, and had used MY plan to just take our submersible on our first mission to crab:ci. And I've been thinking about all the water damage, sir: I saw a great deal on a low-cost lobotomy on Mindnet the other day for only 295 credits. It's my opinion ..
Oh my GAWD, bird shit all over the Aquattack! Well, listen up feather brain: did I give orders to change our SLC101 Starbase 69 lab with the Vulcan Drone Barge lab!
No, Sir! Hurry mother f* .. Chirp!
FURTHERMORE willet, the insignificant footnote in your SLC101 CephaLand term paper that - had you actually LOOKED at the reference - would have explained WITH holograms that only 81 Vulcan Drone barges SANK when exposed to adverse marine environments! Of course that small detail escaped your attention, birdbrain!
O.k., if you open the door right now I'll tell Caligastia at your execution, er, court martial it was my fault you nearly sank the Zykor! Next time I break into Princess Laetitia's computer I'll let you do the hacking, Sir; I'll eat birdseed the rest of the mission - open the damn DOORS! CHIRR-RRRP!
:: Chamber of Horrors :::
My bitches doubled your Gentlepus' Entertainment Cave's sales in two weeks! That was a MONTH ago! Where's the 50% profits per our agreement? <SNAP!> You received reward and recognition from the Chamber of Commerce for their hard effort <LOL>! Specifically, your babes have increased profits, assuming your invoices ..
Octopi pay with crabs - check your security tapes!
All right! You're entitled to increased profits when your babes TRIPPLE their numbers!
That wasn't in the agreement! Grrr-rr (rules/r04.htm)!!
What agreement! Rexoid, you're either, a) New, b) Don't read your Port Cullis commerce agreements, or c) Stupid! You've totally RUINED Octopudic Hot Springs! Ever since Barbiepoid and whats-her-Que started their services next-door Cullis lava thermals are BOILING my best customers away! Sure it was funny - a hot idea at first! But LOOK, octopus - now I'm FAT!
From eating your best customers! Tsk, tsk, tsk - that is so YOUR problem, Primary! Moreover, my esteemed associate says you're overcharging Gulper's Eelectric Diner once again for fresh CALAMARI! Schade, is it any WONDER eels attacked your Bio-Matic Research facility? Why, they - they LOVE you!
I see! Well, see if you can get me two more babes and then we'll talk profits. In the mean time, let my eel babes give you a FREE tentacle/arm massage, Rexoid! BWAAA-HAHAHAHAHA <LOL><SNAP>!
::: Oyster Bar :::
Sacc, if you're still cold by the window we can get a table in the lounge <BEEP> ..
Excuse me - BOLLOID: tell our jellyfish I want Cullis oysters with clam dressing on the side! Be RIGHT back Ms. O'Phary!
Caligastia - I HATE octopus; you should see what we eat!
What ARE you doing?? Schade and Nudnick are almost ready, and Port Cullis is gonna BLOW - STUPID (thub.htm)!!
I know! So, Bolloid is doing an interview for the Stalactites' new gig at the Cantina! Our jazz/rock band is doing better than we expected - we're FAMOUS!
Oh for shit's sake! LISTEN, asshole-e-o! You're having dinner with O'Phary! Tell her Shade's a mad scientist and his crooks are planning to blow up Port Cullis!
What good will that do, General?
Rex, Sacc knows leaders of the Uranopods, Molics; has dinner once a month with the Grand Cephastant! And she's only the ANCHOREEL for CephaLand News - BONEHEAD!
YEAH, "OH!" Good GRIEF - here's what you're gonna do ..
::: Ocean Thermals :::
CephaLand News (CN) WELCOMES you back, Ms. Sacc O'Phary!
Ambassador, Grand Cephastant, UN Expo Committee, and National Urchins: last night's dinner was eel-lectric! And to all of you, especially my sponsors at the Sand Dollar Institute: thank you!
Well, your companion had us worried, Sacc - said you were lost!
We wish it were all a dream! Although me and my fiancé and associate of many years of close and loving association have been separated before - never this long (UB 22:2)!
Anyway, you're BACK - fantastic! Welcome to Exodus Track 1: Thermals Overview at Exposition Hall! We're live tonight (worlds/w15.htm)! What's your question, Anchoreel?
With regard to your overhead analysis, has the Gentlepus always been operating in close proximity to north-south trams in Port Cullis?
Originally, there were other businesses in that location in the complex!
Hmmm .. But never has a cave caused so much traffic! Why didn't the Primary close the caves in the complex that caused the warming, Grand Cephastant?
Freude says he may not have had been fully informed by Translator Research (:db) as to the consequences of increased business at Entertainment Cave, Mrs. Sacc O'Phary!
Really? The Missing Octopus and Heat Over Time charts show a direct correlation to increased business on the Cavern Profits chart at the Entertainment Cave. How could the Complex' management NOT notice missing their best customers! And why does the Primary's office forbid CephaLand News from printing the story?
<Audience tapping on rocks, boos>
Sounds fishy to me, Anchoreel (index/zeta147.htm)!
Dr. Gale O'Cerdo? Thanks for joining us!
Grand Cephastant, I discovered a reconstruction contract between Pirates Cave (:bb), Translator Research, and the military! And as a result of the correlations we gave you some of my research students have called the Primary's office and asked why Octopudic Hot Springs is still taking reservations! Those [CENSORED] don't return our calls, either!
Is there an explanation?
<..BOOS . . EXPLICATIVES .. JEERS..>
::: Cantina's Security Office :::
Editor's note: Cantina Las Anguilas (below Upper Bailey in CCA's location crab:bg - aka the Crab Shack) gambling debts must be paid FAST! The owner is a red and green spotted, foul-smelling, ugly-ass, high-density STS monster lobster known as Primary Schade N. Freude who loathes General Caligastia!
Schade discovered very recently that his Nemesis is trying
to stop High Commander Gole M. Nudnick from stealing a prized PBOT from
CephaLand's Bio-Matic Research lab. Although Schade wants to eat it, he's
assisting Nudnick, the infantile leader of the CCA crab:Rhom STS Horizontal
Team (see Eels Rule) to steal it! Of course, Nudnick wants the rare, original
octopus device to keep Caligastia's former girlfriend very happy! Hence, an STS
lust/control endgame! - End of note.
The Stalactites, hummm? WHICH ONE - the dancin' squid, Chief?
Don't answer - it's the Expo Hall!
Changed the message yet, Electricus?
We upgrade that shit weekly; it's the bass player from the Stalactites - a devilfish from a Rainbow Falls village called Zykor!
He's from the UFO stalking our planet, and in particular, CephaLand, IDIOT!
Lieutenant Moray says Bolloid and Dr Bollix the consultant you hired at your lab are one and the same - an ET (awaken/a23.htm)!
Yeah! Moray saw him swim through the fricking ceiling during Hotel Abalone's happy hour - through solid rock! He's here to steal something BIG! He must have infiltrated after Cantina's bio pre-screens! Let's EAT him, Primary - <SLURP>!
You DO, and you DIE, Electricus <SNAP>! Wait until the
band's last set! When no one is looking nab 'em, bring 'em here - and WAIT! If
you eat even ONE arm you are so DEAD EEL meat <SNAP>!
::: Exodus Track 2: Religion :::
Garibaldi? In your recent polemic you conjectured Freude was the infamous Artho in a previous incarnation (beinghum/b20.htm)! If I believed in multiple lifetimes - wouldn't our current port catastrophe just be history repeating itself - boring ol' Deity reruns, etc?
IS God really angry - I don't know! However, I do have a letter here from an Angelfish who attends First Rainbow Assemblies, wrote in before the show and said that God told him "Port overheating is punishment for our wicked ways!"
Your thoughts, Ms O'Phary?
I don't know - maybe God did speak to him! However, CephaLand News received a shell call this morning from a single mom, a U of C sophomore with two young dolphins. She and her Uranopod friends in Lower Bailey are asking CN if thermals would result if the cave had been used for a Molic church instead of a whorehouse (transfor/t137.htm)!
Good point - these issues may be related! However, we only have time for a couple more questions before station break. For viewers who have just tuned in, our office number is posted on CephaLand Fissure Express - check out our new seasite!
Garibaldi - you're the Grand Cephastant; what's the "grand" solution?
Ms O'Phary, can anyone REALLY speak for God except his Son (UB 6:2)? But in summary, new Bio-Matic research strongly concludes Emperor Artho knew over 3,657 years ago once Port Cullis overcrowding begins, the thermal cycle almost certainly couldn't be stopped! New viewers may click on the seasite's Port Thermals link and get more information - it's FREE!
::: Beach Cafe, Port Orange :::
Is it me, tea, the breeze - or are my flowers having .. <LOL>?
All tables on the patio have dancing flowers! Orange, Princess?
No thanks! The tea has oranges in it!
PORT Orange - and slow down on the tea, babe!
Port Five's connected at oady:Rhom, Toymaker ..
And your Kooterville singles cruise contactee intercept - what is your status?
I completed my assignment in gird:Rhom with Casmera on Tuesday; finished!
Good, we're close to turning in Grand Island's CCA finale, so tell Newton not to reschedule Indigo's hub connectivity tests! All ports have back-propagated test data except Ports Rose and Indigo!
Toymaker, what are you doing about everybody's favorite, Port Sun?
Uniramia has CCA finals this week! Pass me the straw, please?
Marilyn Mantid at year:Rhom?
Praying mantis do not have enough universal sex appeal <LOL> - the Island team plans to use Sargent Rex with their Insect Tsunami!
They're playing our request, Toymaker!
I don't want to be the first couple; did you get Newton's crab:Rhom CCA Quality Assurance Z translation reflection? His QOS (Quality-of-Service) problem was low spirit gravity current - have the STO Horizontal Team have a look at it!
Studying my TBG (truth, beauty, goodness) sensorgram, Princess (UB 56:10)?
I've been staring at my OU senior year's alternate reality. Do you remember when Caligastia accidentally destroyed Zykor at Eridani?
<CLICK> Yeah - follow the alternate reality thread - Keroid wins the ELO at Octo Cloak!
Change Z at :Eg, and .. ?
Not enough to grow leaves on Pinocchio's nose - interesting, eh?
Princess <LOL> - the symphony's hired, Newton's invitations in the mail, paying couples are expecting a minuet or a waltz (UB 44:2)!
I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with timeline continuity, but what would happen if Schade and Nudnick have success breaking into the PBOT lab here, and on the other end of the same thread replace Caligastia's mine ..
Got it - but get Mind Labs involved! Caligastia could figure a path over, around, or through your reality scenario. Notice the givens: Kered learns in 1) As a ruler on Mantida, or 2) A double agent in Rose: - the spirit of the Universal Father lives within - not without (UB 5:2)!
Einstein - due to Griffin's unresolved, quixotic STS perturbations, Newton too suggests you momentarily switch Bollix with Kered within the STS Horizontal Team! Newton explained to me that Kered learned Port Sun's TBG during duties in Port Three - by looking within his heart (UB 107; index/zeta130.htm) and disobeying orders!
Wait - do I understand your logic? Give Kered assignments in port Rose's Octopodia in exchange with Caligastia blowing the Paracelsus off during the dance? Princess, if the music is changed, we'll have panic, old timelines, and endless paradox! Island will notice new surfers from Indigo beach!
After the fact!! Grand Island socialites do timeline switches/seemingly endless paradox during surfing season (UB FORWARD:4)! Face the 'gram your way! Darling - give Schade momentary Z!
Your obscure, "unnoticed" tide timeline shoots Nudnick up Port Rose and gives Captain Bully Willet and his crew energy to transverse 3's Horizon defense! Even if Zykor didn't leak and sink in marine environments (Octopodia), it's a drone barge - an STS lab! If there is a firefight I can tell you now that it will get noticed (rules/r20.htm), possibly truncated and kaput - good luck, dear!
Yeah, right! So will replacing the space mine with a vortex! How 'bout your mother's paradox? In the next eternity what are we all going to remember?
You have your father's wisdom .. CCA STO connectivity contrasts Gulper and Schade's STS views that power lives outside one in military might!
Look - three couples on the dance floor! Do you remember when we used to play footsies under the lunch table at OU?
I was trying to get you to appreciate my management position!
<LOL>! Laetitia, your time-space equations are cosmetic (science/s89.htm) and the dance floor is almost full! Nevertheless, I still owe you something for your "Excellence Now" thesis! Have Newton reconnect Rose's CCA timeline tomorrow and send everybody another one of his "final copies" - and shut down your sensorgram - come on!
<CLICK> Toymaker, assuming you assigned Alice's dancing roles, one of my OU alumni insists that there's a connection between Griffin, and Newton playing the Gryphon during the Orange's changed 'gram line ..
The Griffin is a part of Rose's CCA solution - in your 'gram line! Let's go!
But .. Toymaker! How can Newton ..
Some things cannot be learned; they must be remembered -
finish later! Let's ROCK, baby!
::: Cantina Las Anguilas :::
Editor's note: Pseth, the current leader of the CCA crab:Rhom
STO Horizontal Team, is using his agents Keroid and Snowy Plover, among others
to stop Schade's plan to secretly assist Nudnick in causing widespread Port
Cullis panic! Thwarting Schade will halt Nudnick's planned panic by allowing
open discussions about Port Cullis's thermal problems. Open debate will result
in a safer exodus from W. CephaLand, and ultimately pave a way to complete Grand
Island's Port Rose goals. End of note.
You killed the Stalactites' bass player, Ms. Kwid? - Not too bad!
I'm sexy for my age Rexoid, but not this time! Check this out under here <CLICK>! Bolloid's technology's too old to be an R2 - the octopus is an old R1 - his power source overloaded (science/s24.htm)! My last sucker disk-cleaning dance caused positronic circuit feedback - blew Bolloid's old model sensorium! Anyhoooo, I danced the frozen 'pus the best I could back cave during your five-minute drum thing - nice solo! Turn him off, o.k.?
His land mammal subroutines can't re-learn responses during one octopus mating dance <CLICK> .. Great - it takes just a sec to extract Nudnick's CephaLand battle plans .. <CLICK> Done! I'll hide the crystal! Gotta swim back now! Remember, squid - delete R1's online version! BYE!
<BZZZZ-ZZZZZZ> .. Oh my ..! You, you look EXACTLY like Bolloid! Strong arms, big sucker disks! Is that .. Are you .. ?
Greetings, Ms. Kwid - Agent Kered, uh, Keroid, CCA - I have Bolloid's, and my own memories too! And yeah, I have been working out! Here's a fuse for your R1. Delete Nundick's battle plan and upload the CCA version! Poor old Bolloid will be good as new! Everything O.k. dear?
Boring! What happened to our teamwork; that entire CCA classroom excitement we had (beinghum/b21.htm)?
It's one-on-one down here squid - make your own career path (UB 108:6)!
Look hon, I'd better wait in the other cave for your signal. Good luck, hunk - I mean, Keroid! HAHAHAHA! DUDE - You look SO much better as an octopus! <LOL>!
::: Orientation & Sea Rapture: A Myth? :::
The loudfin seahorse on the second coral - remember, we're live! Turn down your music - thank you! Did you have your fin raised?
Garibaldi! U of C vertebrates have all come to Exodus Track 3 for the same reason: to find out about EBS (Exodus Buddy System). What IS it, sir?
Good question, Denise! When locals siphon out of W. CephaLand we're asking everyone to please take a toothbrush and a map, whatever - and one or more seahorse, family members or close friends with you for safety reasons!
Garibaldi? Uranopods are hearing STS and STO are being separated. What about my highly self-focused daughter that never wants to gather food? Is this the END of my family - I still love her! I just can't stand not knowing what will happen!
We've been informed Ms. Kwid, "willing arms and earnest hearts shall not go hungry." (UB 140:6) With all respect, Ambassador, you and your little STS Mollusca should be willing and resourceful, brave if possible, and think for yourselves! Let's see: what effect is your STS/STO mixed-family survival action having upon your local group? Is junior hording crabs while others in your group die of hunger? Love and protect each other while you can be her parent, and follow your heart's deliberations. It's a real possibility that her STS behavior will get her expelled from the cavern when she is of age. Most STS will be gathered together with others of their own spiritual orientation.
Is the Sea Rapture TANGIBLE - a REAL event, Grand Cephastant? And won't that get us out of the mud we're in? What are your thoughts on this, Garibaldi?
That is a really good question - thank you, sir! Did everybody hear his question?
My sponsor says we have just a minute! Many of us have concluded by ignorance and/or superstitious fear the so-called Sea Rapture is either, A) Religious BS or, B) A free ticket to Rainbow Falls, assuming you're a member of a certain religions organization - NOT (transfor/t55.htm)!
Exaggerated dogma from me and from our old Grand Order of Molics is more accurately about an honestly earned, temporary lifting to safety for STO sea life from the intense thermals!
For those of you viewing or listening by CCA or CephaStant Telecom, it really boils down to this: can you be trusted? Do you want to hide, or help? - help save lives; maybe swim in dark and muddy waters for many yarns? If you are NOT interested, in denial, perhaps sick and too old to volunteer anymore, prepare for death and your next incarnation!
But for most of you - can you cook, mend wounds, or sew? Do you have survival skills? Above all - do you think of others as much as you think of yourself? Are you brave, creative, or resourceful (transfor/t29.htm)?
As I always tell my kids audience; prepare now! We'll help organize and use all the volunteers we can get - but don't fuss over the unusual protection, Ok?
Remember, CephaLand! Be with us NEXT week on CephaStant Telecom's delicious:
** Clambake Recipes ** Bye!
[Recorded applause, kudos, fade to commercials, etc.]
::: Gulper's Exchange :::
Editor's note: Unlike his deep-sea foster mom Sacc O'Phary,
Gulper can't take the Cantina's constant pressure to pay his gambling debt! He
is highly motivated to exchange his stolen entry codes to Schade's research lab
at crab:cb to anybody - even the Cantina's jazz/rock, musician Bolloid, so long
as the flakey octopus is able to exchange something with Schade that will
ensure that the Primary and his evil Cantina relieve Gulper's onerous debt
(call/c34.htm)! - End of note.
Bolloid, thanks for the crab pizza, and trying earlier to help me cancel my Cantina debt! Bio's secret codes are hidden downstairs in associate's hydrozoa. Transmit CephaLand battle plans to Schade and my polyps unlock! If you corrected the date format like you said you did, then follow me 'pus, and quietly! Only full-time employees allowed!
Why do you wanna break into :cb? You're a musician! Wasup - you a spy?
Gulper, you're reading WAY too much into this shit, dude! I'm doing a science project for my mother's hospital; let's go!
Hmmm .. Bolloid, I got a question: You know the new Grand Queen in Port Cullis Gentlepus' Entertainment Cave? Yes or no!
I don't think so!
That 'pus knows ALL about you, liar!
Gulper - band break IS over. Schade obviously wants my battle plans NOW, or you're his next sandwich, bud!
I'll GET your codes, Bolloid! Hold it right here! Barbiepoid - the new queen, said what really happened is that you and her really horny boss were/are trying to steal something important from the Bio-Matic Research lab and evidently got your intellectual tentacles caught in the ol' crab jar: you lost your phony research job, eh?
Excuse me? What's a married 'pus - a Molic doing in Port Cullis!
Taking care of shit my wife's supposed to do (UB 84; worlds/w32.htm)! I'm still going to keep my part of the deal, but I just want to know what the hell you're here for! Go ahead: Transmit and re-check, now!
You're wise beyond your years, eel! I WAS the lab doctor, Sherlock! However, my sister has a condition and I need the lab's Primal Translator! I just wired the reformatted battle plans, so - give it just a little more time; done!
Ok, let's see if the CephaLand date format is correct this time <CLICK>. BINGO! That was the problem - come here! This is the new report: your $100K gambling dept with the Cantina is showing up - CANCELLED!
Hey, I'm not as stupid as I look! Ancient Mustekala relics can't translate jack - I worked as the night guard eel! Shit, we used to play with all that goofy octopus gear! No more stupid lies, asshole! You guys are probably really DUMB extraterrestrials trying to steal the PBOT at crab:ci for some obscure genetic reason! You're probably not even octopus! Does the name Nudnick ring a bell? Your boss - right?
DUDE - this isn't about you! Schade's playin' you ETs - or whoever you are like a seriously old and out of tune stalactite organ! Wake up and smell the oysters!
I am hungry ..
Shut up - my friend's got to turn the security cams back on, so pay attention! See this? Insert the blue crystal, flat side facing the bottom of the door like this! When the lock semaphore starts blinking, type these first 16 digits into the keypad! The pearl door opens inward; and wipe all tentacle prints! It's EASY ..
Yes, I've tested the codes over several weekends - they work! You're allowed three attempts! If you don't punch the numbers in right after three times don't try them again until the next night - they'll be serving what's left of you in the science restaurant! Test it - get back to me if you still can't get the hang of it!
You got your money's worth! Let's split, doc!
[To be continued ..]
To probe further: http://www.zetatalk.com/thub00.htm
Rev55: 10/18/2004 - Added hyperlinks